Gone through two weeks of grief and pain, I finally have the mood to write something. I knew before I came to America that the past half year would completely change my life. But I never thought it would be in this way. Everything that I used to believe and treasure seems untrustworthy and fragile. I wish I could easily tell myself that people who love and care about you will eventually leave you because they think you’re strong enough to live by yourself. But I can’t. I believe in my father’s eyes I’m always a little girl who needs his love and protection and he will never want to leave me.
Everyone feels sorry for me. But actually I never feel sorry for myself. I just feel sorry for my dad. He was too young to leave. I’ve been thinking for the past few days. What was his dream? How did he plan his life in the future before his sudden death? What did he expect from his only child? I’ll never know. I can’t help imagining what the day was like when the accident happened. He didn’t get up until the noon because he stayed up too late to watch TV the other night. Then he decided to do laundry. After the clothes were dried, he thought maybe he should iron them, and he found out that there was no ironing table at home because he just moved in this new house not so long ago. He wanted to buy one right now since he was the kind of person that wants everything pops in his head to be done right away. So he went to the mall to get a table by bike. After leaving the mall, he didn’t go home because he wanted to visit his friend who leaves nearby. They chatted a little, and then he found it was time to go home. He bought a lottery on his way home as usual. But this time, he would never know whether he would win or not. Fifteen minutes after buying the lottery, he ran into the god damn car that would end everything. This crapped car driven by a drunk driver hit him and fled. And there came endless darkness and silence.
He was the kind of person that was good at hiding true feelings. He wasn’t thrilled like me when I finally got the chance to study abroad. But he googled everything about my school. He never told me he missed me. But he told mom that he’d like to receive a call from me. Mom used to say that I was dad’s lucky star. Then I guess he was so unlucky this time because his lucky star was so far away. I feel that I will be killed by those memories, since they are like knives cutting through my heart.
People tell me to forget and move on. But I don’t want to. I just want to stay right here, waiting for him to come back and never leave me.

The most important thing is life

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

　　You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

　　Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

　　The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

　　If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say.

　　Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don"t believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you.

　　You can make anything you wish of your life. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

　　And if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.